Sexting Counts as Cheating: And It Can Cost You Alimony

Sexting may seem like a harmless digital flirtation, a way to escape a relationship that feels stagnant. But in the eyes of the law, those explicit messages are anything but harmless. According to a recent judgment by the Court of Appeal of Bari (No. 1402/2025), sexting is full-fledged infidelity—and if it contributes to the collapse of a marriage, the spouse who engaged in it can be declared at fault and lose the right to alimony.

This is exactly what happened in the case before the Bari court. The wife had been sending sexually explicit messages to another man. She argued it was only virtual, not “real” betrayal, and insisted that the marriage was already in crisis and that her husband had long “tolerated” the situation. But the court rejected every argument and upheld a decision that is attracting national attention: sexting is a violation of the duty of fidelity, and when it triggers the final breakdown of the relationship, the financial consequences are severe.

What “Being at Fault” Really Means

When a judge declares that one spouse is responsible for the end of the marriage—known as “addebito” or blame—the consequences go well beyond the moral dimension. The spouse at fault automatically loses the right to a maintenance allowance, regardless of income differences.

That is exactly what occurred in this case. The lower court had originally granted the wife a monthly allowance, but once her responsibility for the separation was confirmed, that financial support was revoked. Her attempt to justify herself by claiming the marriage was already damaged and her husband had effectively “let it slide” failed entirely.

Tolerance Is Not Forgiveness

The most significant part of the ruling concerns the concept of tolerance. The wife did not deny the extramarital relationship and admitted to the sexting episodes. However, she argued that her husband’s passive attitude amounted to acceptance—or at least forgiveness—of her behavior.

The Court of Appeal firmly rejected this idea. According to the judges, tolerating episodes of infidelity does not erase the violation or imply consent to continue. Even if a crisis existed beforehand, the new acts—specifically the explicit messages—were considered the decisive event that made cohabitation impossible and triggered the definitive breakup.

That means the infidelity, even if “only digital,” remained the direct cause of the separation.

The Consequences: No Spousal Support

Because the court identified a clear breach of the duty of fidelity under Article 143 of the Civil Code, it declared the separation with exclusive fault attributed to the wife. Under Article 156, this automatically eliminates her right to receive maintenance.

Child-related matters, however, remain unaffected. The court confirmed joint custody, with the children primarily residing with the mother. The father must continue to contribute to their upbringing through child support, as required by Articles 337-bis and following.

As for the wife, she will not receive any financial support for herself unless she someday falls into a state of absolute poverty—at which point she could request alimony in the strict sense of the term, a minimal amount meant for basic survival only.

A Clear Message From the Courts

With this ruling, the Court of Appeal of Bari sends an unambiguous signal: digital infidelity is still infidelity. Sexting is not a harmless game but a breach of marital fidelity that can carry serious legal and financial consequences. In the age of smartphones and instant messaging, the law is making it clear that what happens on a screen can end a marriage—and determine who pays the price.

VGS Family Lawyers is a law firm that offers assistance to English-speaking clients with interests in Italy.

In case you need assistance, please write to: info@vgslawyers.com.